Relationship Smarts PLUS 4.0 Classic

Program Length: 13 Lessons
Age Group: 12-16
Author: Marline Pearson, MA

Relationships and Romance for Teens

Relationship Smarts PLUS 4.0 Classic is a completely revised version of the evidence-based Relationship Smarts PLUS 3.0 curriculum that includes brand-new subjects. It is designed to help teens learn how to make wise choices about relationships, dating, partners, sex, and more.

This curriculum includes topics important to youth today, such as sexual assault, sexual consent, cyberbullying, online porn, and more.

Overview

Relationship Smarts PLUS 4.0 integrates relationship education with powerful learning strategies. The curriculum features:

  • A realistic, relevant context for learning.
  • An appeal to personal aspirations for love, intimacy, and successful relationships.
  • New motivations for behavioral change.
  • Empowerment through self-awareness, relationship knowledge, and practical skills

Relationship Smarts PLUS 4.0 is delivered through activities that are informative, fun, and affirmative. An updated workbook helps teens apply curriculum concepts to their own lives. Parent-Teen activities for each lesson stimulate conversations and connections with trusted adults.

This curriculum uses popular media and lively activities to engage both males and females in learning. Key topics include:

  • Self-awareness: Personal strengths/weaknesses, past influences, goal setting, friendship, peer pressure, maturity, clarifying values, self-regulation.
  • Developing healthy relationships: Attraction, building blocks of positive relationships, how to assess relationships, realistic love, low-risk dating, “deciding vs. sliding.”
  • Problems, warnings, and dangerous relationships: Break-ups and broken hearts, unhealthy and abusive behaviors, ways to exit safely, boundaries, dating violence, sexual assault.
  • Communication and conflict: Danger signs, time outs, anger regulation, the Speaker-Listener Technique, problem-solving.
  • Intimacy and sexual decisions: Pacing relationships, what intimacy means, sex in the context of relationships, boundaries, myths of pregnancy, risky situations, and sexual consent, refusal skills, how unplanned pregnancy affects a child.
  • Updates to the Success Sequence: how the order of school, commitment, and babies impacts your future
  • Social media: The impact of “constant connection,” sexting realities and risks, online porn, personal polices on using social media.
Relationship Smarts PLUS 4.0 also includes new content and tools to support instructors!
  • We’ve updated the research to keep content current with learning in the field of healthy relationship education;
  • We’ve changed the pace of the sex lesson by expanding it to cover two sessions;
  • We’ve included instructor notes with all PowerPoint slides to improve fidelity in implementation;
  • We’ve updated the scenario cards so they are relevant to teens’ experiences right now;
  • We’ve included new videos that are either embedded in the PowerPoints or available for free on YouTube; and
  • We’ve revised the workbook.

Relationship Smarts PLUS 4.0 is a lively, 13-lesson, evidence-based relationship skills curriculum for young teens. This curriculum embodies an innovative approach that addresses positive youth development, life skills, healthy relationships, dating violence, and pregnancy prevention. These goals, typically addressed in separate programs, are integrated and embedded into one comprehensive healthy relationship skills program.

Relationship Smarts PLUS builds assets and strengthens protective factors. It appeals to teenagers’ aspirations, rather than merely emphasizing what they must avoid. It empowers youth with skills needed to form and maintain healthy relationships, make wise sexual choices, and work toward their goals.

All youth, regardless of sexual orientation, have attractions, emotions, and desires for healthy relationships. All youth benefit from sexual delay and risk avoidance. All youth need skills and knowledge to navigate their relationships and make wise sexual decisions. This is an LGBTQ-inclusive curriculum.

Building Models and Confidence for Healthy Relationships

Many young people today lack models of healthy relationships. A recent Child Trends survey of disadvantaged youth reported that while respondents could list general qualities for healthy relationships, and certainly aspired to have them, when asked if they actually saw many around them, the answer was “no.”* Sadly, they had little confidence they would be able to achieve a healthy relationship because they didn’t know how—they didn’t have the skills.

Relationship Smarts PLUS aims to build confidence and skills. It offers guidance on navigating the world of romantic relationships. Teens learn that healthy relationships begin with the individual—identifying personal strengths and weaknesses, understanding how one’s past influences the present, and the importance of attending to one’s own growth and development.

This curriculum offers knowledge of what a healthy relationship is and isn’t, as well as insights and skills for handling the early chemistry of attraction and choosing partners wisely. Teens learn the building blocks of healthy relationships and are encouraged to identify relationship qualities they find personally important. They are provided principles to guide them in early relationship development. Frameworks to assess relationships are employed to help teens in relationship decision-making. They are provided a low-risk strategy Decide, Don’t Slide! model to guide them in reducing the potential for high-cost consequences of risky behaviors and attachment to problem people.

Relationship Smarts PLUS builds teens’ awareness of the red flags of unhealthy and abusive relationships and ways to exit those relationships safely. Teens are encouraged to set boundaries and practice drawing the line of respect at the first sign of disrespect in a relationship. Teens learn how to handle breakups and move forward.

Improving Communication Skills

This program includes a powerful set of evidence-based skills to improve communication, assertiveness, negotiation, and the handling of conflict. These skills are adapted from PREP, the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program.** Youth practice new ways to handle anger and regulate strong emotions.

They learn a technique for how to talk through difficult or sensitive issues. They learn how to more effectively raise issues and complaints, recognize hidden issues, and solve problems within their relationships. The communication skills are central to self-regulation.

New Tools for Dating Violence Prevention

Building robust knowledge and skills for healthy relationships provides a positive and proactive way to prevent dating violence. It is difficult to steer clear, or exit, a destructive relationship if all you see are unhealthy relationships and you have no clue how to build a healthy relationship. The vision-building, skills, guides, and decision-making frameworks in Relationship Smarts PLUS help raise young people’s confidence that they can develop healthy relationships.

A Heart and Health Based Approach to Pregnancy/STI Prevention

Relationship Smarts PLUS contains a missing piece in sexual decision-making and pregnancy prevention by addressing relationship issues. For example, can teenagers make wise sexual choices if they:

  • Have never clarified what’s important to them?
  • See few models of healthy relationships around them? Know little about how to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy relationships?
  • Lack insight and skills for building healthy relationships? Lack communication and negotiation skills needed for relationships?
  • Have not been engaged in thinking about sexual meaning and encouraged to define a context and timing for sex that is meaningful?

Youth are rarely asked to think about sex beyond the usual health paradigm of reproduction, disease, and risk avoidance. A fundamental assumption of this curriculum is that sexual choices and behaviors cannot be treated in a vacuum outside of relationships and emotions. Sex isn’t just about bodies. It’s about the heart, too.

Relationship Smarts PLUS takes a heart- and health-based approach and provides unique ways to tap new sources of motivation to make safer and wiser choices. Sexual decision-making is embedded within an exploration of intimacy and linked to the development of healthy relationships. Young people have aspirations for connection, affection, respect, and love that this program speaks to. Through highly engaging activities, youth are guided to cultivate their own North Star.

This curriculum encourages teens to develop goals, boundaries, and a context and pace for sexual intimacy that is responsible, protective of their own aspirations in life, and personally meaningful. Films, music, poetry, and stories are used to inspire and help young people identify their values and develop personal plans. Teens also engage in role-plays on negotiation and refusal skills.

To clarify myths and facts regarding pregnancy, STIs, risks, and protection, medically accurate information is woven into the activities.

A New Message on Pregnancy Prevention

Many pregnancy prevention messages focus on a young person’s self-interest, as in how a pregnancy would negatively affect him or her. Relationship Smarts PLUS takes a different approach. It encourages young people to step outside themselves and look more deeply at the consequences for children of unplanned pregnancy.

By placing the child at center stage, participants see through the eyes of the child the consequences of sliding into an unplanned pregnancy and the “relationship turbulence” that often accompanies it. Examining how an unplanned pregnancy can affect a child may tap a powerful and positive source of motivation to more consciously plan to prevent a first or subsequent pregnancy.

An Activity and Media-Based Approach

This curriculum is delivered entirely through activities that are informative, fun, upbeat, and meant to affirm teen relationship experiences. Relationship Smarts PLUS is packed with lively activities that use scenarios written by diverse youth. It incorporates popular music, music videos, film, stories, poetry, drawing, sculpting, and an engaging, interactive workbook that helps teens apply curriculum concepts to their own lives. Relationship Smarts PLUS appeals equally to males and females.

Parent-Teen Connection activities for each lesson are designed to convey core material to parents or a trusted adult and serve as a catalyst for parent-teen conversations on these very important issues. Parent-teen connectedness has been found to be the strongest protective factor against risky behaviors, even beyond class, race, and family structure.*** These connection activities provide a way to partner with parents or trusted adults and mentors in helping teens navigate the choppy waters of adolescence.

  • Introduction to Relationship Smarts PLUS……………..iii
  • Instructor Tips……………………………………………………..vi
  • Lesson 1: Who Am I and Where Am I Going?……1
    • Possible Selves Tree
    • My Friends and My Future
    • Being Yourself: Dealing With Pressure Situations
  • Lesson 2: Maturity Issues and What I Value…….17
    • The Four Dimensions of Maturity
    • Maturity—Where Are You?
    • Clarifying Values
    • What’s Important to Me?
  • Lesson 3: Attractions and Infatuation………………33
    • Test Your Love Smarts
    • Relationship Pyramid
    • The Chemistry of Attraction
  • Lesson 4: Principles of Smart Relationships……55
    • Smart or Not-So-Smart?
    • Seven Principles of Smart Relationships
    • Seven Questions to Ask
    • Three Sides of Love
  • Lesson 5: Is It a Healthy Relationship?…………….75
    • How Can You Tell?
    • Unmet Needs and Unhealthy Relationships
    • Having Fun
    • Tips for Teens
  • Lesson 6: Breaking Up and Dating Violence……91
    • Breaking Up
    • Early Warnings and Red Flags
    • Types of Intimate Partner Violence and Warning Signs
    • Sexual Assault
    • Harm to Children
    • Draw the Line of Respect
  • Lesson 7: Decide, Don’t Slide!………………………..119
    • Healthy Selves—Healthy Relationships
    • The High-Risk Sliding Approach
    • The Success Sequence
    • The Low-Risk Deciding Approach
    • Brief Review
    • Decide, Don’t Slide!
  • Lesson 8: Communication and Healthy Relationships………………………………..143
    • Communication Patterns Learned in Family
    • Patterns that Harm Relationships
    • Angry Brains and the Power of Time Outs
    • The Speaker Listener Technique—When Talking is Difficult
  • Lesson 9: Communication Challenges and More Skills…………..167
    • Complain and Raise Issues Effectively
    • Hidden Issues Under Arguments
    • A Simple Problem-Solving Model
    • Taking Care of Relationships
    • A Brief Review
  • Lesson 10: Sexual Decision-Making……………….187
    • Sex and Sliding
    • The Six Parts of Intimacy
    • Understanding Sexual Regrets
    • Risky Situations for Sex
    • Know Your Personal Line
  • Lesson 11: Pregnancy, STDs and HIV…………….207
    • Test Your Knowledge about Sex, Pregnancy, andSTDs/HIV
    • STDs and HIV Are for Real
    • Alcohol and Drugs—Increasing the Risks
    • Pressure Situations and Assertiveness Skills
    • My Personal Plan
  • Lesson 12: Unplanned Pregnancy Through the Eyes of a Child………………………241
    • What a Child Wants
    • What about Fathers?
    • What the Music Says
    • Child Speak—Brighter Futures
    • The Success Sequence
  • Lesson 13: Teens, Technology and Social Media………………………………267
    • What’s Real?
    • Constantly Connected—For Better and Worse
    • Romantic Relationships and Social Media
    • Sexting, Cyberbullying, and Porn—Reality and Risks
    • Personal Policies on Social Media
    • Planning for Success

Colored Activity Cards

Special Note: Each lesson contains a Parent-Teen Connection activity.

Marline E. Pearson, M.A.

Marline Pearson is the recently retired chair of the sociology department at Madison Area Technical College in Madison, Wisconsin, where she has been teaching for over 25 years. Her teaching foci at the college were Criminology, Marriage and Family, and Relationship Skills. Ms. Pearson’s longstanding concern for high-risk kids and families, combined with her focus on prevention, led to her interest in relationship building. In addition to sociology classes, Ms. Pearson has pioneered a unique relationship skills class as part of a student success initiative. Watch author presentation.

Ms. Pearson’s curriculum, Relationship Smarts PLUS (RQ+), was the subject of a rigorous, large-scale, five-year evaluation conducted by researchers at Auburn University in Alabama, involving over 5,000 diverse teenagers. Ms. Pearson also developed an adaptation of RQ+ for vulnerable older teens and young adults, Love Notes: Relationship Skills for Love, Life, and Work. Love Notes has been added to list of teen pregnancy prevention Evidence Based Programs (EBP) maintained by the U. S. Department of Health and Human Services. Love Notes was included based on statistically significant decreases in sexual activity, increases in contraceptive use, and avoidance of pregnancy.

Ms. Pearson is also co-author with Scott Stanley and Galena Kline Rhoades of Within My Reach, a nationally recognized relationship skills and decision-making program for helping individuals — primarily single mothers and fathers who struggle with economic hardship—achieve their goals in relationships, family, and marriage.

Additionally, Ms. Pearson co-authored, with Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, Making a Love Connection: Teen Relationships, Pregnancy, and Marriage, a report commissioned and published by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy; authored “Can Kids Get Smart About Marriage: A Veteran Teacher Reviews Some of the Leading Relationship and Marriage Programs,” published by the National Marriage Project (formerly of Rutgers University), and “Reaching for Higher Ground: New Approaches to Teen Sexuality,” published in the Journal of Council on Family Relations. Her classes have been featured in numerous national media, including TIME Magazine, a PBS special, and a companion book.

Ms. Pearson is frequently called upon to discuss teen and young adult relationships and has conducted numerous trainings on this topic, as well as sexuality and marriage skills. Long active in educational improvement, Ms. Pearson created and taught The Critical Literacy Project, an active learning and teaching improvement program at her college for a number of years.

She lives in Madison, Wisconsin with her husband and two young adult daughters. She holds an M.A. from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

Relationship Smarts PLUS has completed a five-year evaluation involving over 8,000 diverse teenagers in the state of Alabama. Researchers from Auburn University conducting the study report sustained gains over time. Findings include increases in students’ realistic understanding of relationships and decreases in faulty relationship beliefs, broadened understanding of relationship aggression, and declines in aggression in relationships as compared to those in control groups.

Evaluation Results

What Others Have to Say

“Taking this class this year has helped me a lot when making mature healthy decisions. I was in a very controlling and not trusting relationship. I had no freedom in this relationship; he didn’t want me talking, texting or hugging other guys. The first time I experienced or got to see his “real side” was when one of my guy friends hugged me in the hallway. The first thing I saw was his eyes; they turned from happy to an angry glare.

The second thing I saw was when he clenched his teeth and his fists. I want up to my boyfriend, hugged him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. I asked him what was wrong. “You are only mine!” he said “I don’t want you hugging anyone!” I just laughed and told him to calm down and that we would talk about it later after class. I walked in to my class and one of my guy friends said to me “Is your overprotective boyfriend gone?” I looked at him confused thinking he may have heard the conversation me and my boyfriend had.

Later in that class my guy friend explained to me that my boyfriend had told him not to talk or hug me anymore or he would have problems with him. I was more than upset because over the next three weeks he did not change like he told me he was. He kept telling guys not to hug me, or even smile at me.

This is where this curriculum helped me not explode in rage at him. I had already determined it was not a healthy relationship even though I thought or wanted it to be. I used the break up tips since I was so nervous to break up with him. It was a very hard decision but I don’t regret it at all. I know this curriculum helped me to see how unhealthy our relationship was even when I didn’t want to see it.”

Female Student. Hurst, TX

“Taking this class has shown me how to be a better person and really helped me grow. The course that impacted my life the most drastically were the relationships unit. While in class we learned about communication skills and watched several videos on how to handle different life situations and problems. Dating was a key topic. I learned that many people get taken advantage of in relationships and may stay with that person in fear of abuse or they may not even know the relationship is bad.

My freshmen year of high school I had been in a relationship where the guy was overly dramatic and anything I did was wrong. He pushed the thought of sex and physical behavior on me so much I had a breakdown and just cried. He honestly used the famous, “if you loved me you’d have sex with me.” Line. Luckily, I was wise enough to stand up for myself and say no.

This class has taught me what to look for in a guy and respect myself and my needs. I have recently found a great guy my junior year and I am really happy with him. It has opened my eyes. My boyfriend even took the class the year before so it’s nice to know he understands and went through it too. This whole semester has been an overall great and inspiring adventure and I will take all of it to heart. I will be more sympathetic, caring, and thoughtful and help friends and family whenever I can.”

Female Student
Boise, ID

“Love U2: Relationship Smarts PLUS gives teens the knowledge and skills for healthy relationships now and in the future!” Fun and interactive: teens love it!”

Shannon R. KellyChildren’s Aid Society
Family Support Services Manager
Clearfield, PA

“In a society filled with media images that hurry kids toward intimacy, and examples everywhere of relationships gone awry, Marline Pearson fills a huge gap in our children’s education — how to think about and establish meaningful, respectful relationships in a highly sexual society. Caring educators everywhere will want to share Pearson’s astute and thoughtful messages with their youth to help them develop relationship smarts that will last a lifetime. What a quality gift to our children!”

Lynda S. Madison, Ph.D., Licensed Psychologist
Director, Family Support & Psychological Services
Children’s Hospital, Omaha
Associate Professor in Pediatrics and Psychiatry
Creighton University Medical School
Author of: The Feelings Book: The Care and Keeping of Your Emotions (Pleasant Company, 2002); Keep Talking: A Mother-Daughter Guide to the Preteen Years (Andrews McMeel, 1999); co-author of What I Wish You Knew: Letters from our Daughters’ Lives and Expert Advice on Staying Connected (Pleasant Company, 2001); and Parenting with Purpose: Progressive Discipline from Birth to Four (Andrews McMeel, 1998).

“This curriculum is a welcome addition that begins to fill a real gap. It talks not just about what’s safe but also what’s right; it discusses relationships, values, and long term plans, not just avoiding specific problems. And, it artfully transcends the tiresome ‘abstinence versus contraception’ debate.”

Sarah Brown, Director
National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy

“THANK YOU for embracing Love U2®. As a physician of 20 years, I have seen dramatic changes in the rise of sexually transmitted diseases, depression and hurt in our teens associated with sexual activity. Your teens need this program and they need you to help them make it work in their lives. No other program that I have seen challenges teens to confront their feelings, their decisions and their behaviors as thoroughly as Love U2®.”

Meg Meeker, M.D.
Author, “Epidemic: How Teen Sex Is Killing Our Kids”
and “Restoring the Teenage Soul”

“. . . a new and  exciting frontier in sex education has been embodied in efforts such as the Love U2® curriculum.  These efforts tend to teach young people about healthy relationships at the same time they teach them about avoiding risky sexual behavior and the value of waiting.  In short, these efforts are focused squarely on trying to help young people understand how to achieve responsible and respectful relationships.”

Isabel Sawhill
Senior Fellow
The Brookings Institution
Before the Ways and Means Committee
Income Security and Family Support Subcommittee
United States House of Representatives
“Solutions to Poverty”
April 26, 2007

“Marline Pearson’s Love U2 series is brilliantly designed to address the deepest desires of teen hearts, while helping them grow their minds in ways that they can more successfully navigate the challenges of their lives….Her approach is wise and compassionate in a way that avoids the kinds of divisions among liberals and conservatives that sometimes paralyze attempts to help teens…Pearson has selected the most essential aspects of our approach (PREP®) and modified them to be usable and relevant for teens….the strategies here address the most basic needs we have in relationships: the need to talk without fighting, the need to speak and be understood, the need to hear what is in the heart of another, and the need to handle conflicts without damaging relationships…”

Scott M Stanley, Ph.D.
University of Denver
PREP Educational Products, Inc.